Parenthood

I never really realized what being a parent meant until our doctor told me I had to have a C-section. My first thought was that something would go wrong -that something would happen to Jonas. I tried so hard to stay strong, because I knew how scary it was for Jordan. I was so afraid... until I heard Jonas cry. I told Jordan to go to him. I asked if he had any hair... and he did. I felt so much relief. I don't know why, but at that moment Jonas having hair translated to healthy.

For me, parenthood means:

• Waking up, after only sleeping for 2 hours, just to check that your little baby is breathing. 
• Crying when you can't take away the pain.
• Laughing when someone pees on you.
• Feeling so much love for something so small.
• Knowing you would do anything to protect him.

It means everything has changed.

I now look at Jordan and see him as such an amazing role model and friend. I now see every threat my parents tried to protect me from and at times I am so full of fear and anxiety it is difficult just to enjoy the little moments with Jonas. The way he curls up in a ball as he stretches and yawns after his naps. The way I felt when I knew he was really starting to see me. The first day that he snuggled with me (and not just rooting for a meal). There really are so many small precious moments that make me love this new life more and more with each passing day.